Guilty Grandmother

Excerpt from Daily Cures, Wisdom for Healthy Aging by Connie Mason Michaelis

My favorite children’s book is The Way Mothers Are by Miriam Schlein. It may be out of print, but I made sure that all my kids had a copy so they could read it to their kids. I’d like to have a book about The Way Grandmothers Are, but I may have to write it myself! The only problem is a book about grandmothers would require many more pages because of the variety of grandma types. Let me start by saying that I never had a grandmother. Both my mom and dad lost their parents before I was born. In contrast, Pat and I are grandparents to fifteen children ranging in age from 5 to 25! The photos of my grandmothers look like pioneer women, dressed in formal black, white hair in a bun with stoic faces. Actually, they didn’t look warm and fuzzy.

I think grandmotherhood has evolved dramatically in the last few decades, more so than motherhood. Among my peers, I observe several styles. First, there are the desperate wannabe grandmas whose non-producing kids are disappointing them. There are the servant grandmas, bless their hearts, who provide daycare and weekend overnights. Some are doting grandmas who post pictures on Facebook, buy gifts for all holidays, and make home-baked cookies for every visit. The ones that amaze me are Candyland grannies that can still sit on the floor and play games. Then, of course, some grandmas are career women that have little time or inclination to play the role. There are certainly guilty grandmas who never think they do enough. Increasing life span means that multiple generations in the same family are the norm. Many grandmothers are still working themselves. The average age of marriage in the US today is 32 years - it was 23 two decades ago - so children are coming later. My friend told me that she was working full time when her kids were little; consequently, she spends as much time as possible with her grandchildren. On the other hand, some moms sacrificed their careers to stay home with the kids and are ready to pursue a career in their 60s and 70s. There are so many more options today, and the stereotype of a rocking chair granny doesn’t fit. So if I write the book, my message to the little ones is: your grandmother is cool, and you can learn from her. No matter your grandmother style, you have the ability to inspire a younger generation. You have the wisdom, experience, and good judgment to add a valuable dimension to their lives, whether in a rocking chair or a boardroom.

Guess what? I wrote the book "The Way Grandmothers Are." Take a look at my bookstore; it is a must-read for all grandmothers to read to their kiddos! That is especially true if you ever felt the tiniest bit of guilt as a grandmother.

(The photo is just a few of the 15 grands!)