Wisdom Comes Wrapped in Humor

Excerpt from Daily Cures, Wisdom for Healthy Aging by Connie Mason Michaelis

“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” Tom Stoppard

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” George Burns

“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” Kitty O’Neill Collins

“After you’re older, two things are possibly more important than any others: health and money.” Helen Gurley Brown

“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” Jim Fiebig

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”    Agatha Christie

“When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.”         George Burns

“Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.” Andre Maurois

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.”  Bob Hope

“Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”        George Burns

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they’re cramming for their final exam.” George Carlin

“The older you get, the fewer things are worth waiting in line for.” Will Rogers

“You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.” Bonnie Prudden

“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” Bob Hope

“The cardiologist’s diet; if it tastes good spit it out.” Anonymous

“I’m at the age where pulling an all-nighter means not getting up to pee.” Gabby

“I’m at the age when my back goes out more often than I do.” Phyliss Diller

People ask me what I most appreciated getting for my 87th birthday. I said a paternity suit.” George Burns

“At my age, getting lucky is finding my car in the parking lot.” Anonymous

“I’m not afraid to die; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” Woody Allen

“Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” Susan Ertz

 I intend to live forever or die trying.” Groucho Marx 

“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.”     Rita Rudner

“Birthday’s are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” Anonymous